How do people write every day? Now I’m thinking it’s not just a routine thing or a taking time to do the writing thing… It is more of a: But what am I thinking today that’s different? That’s valuable. That can be helpful…
I came out to a cafe, to go out of the house, to surround myself with people, to be around their sacral energy… I can use the boost.
Some days it helps. Being around people to finally do things. Cross things from my infinite to-do list.
I also love watching people… I notice how different we are, and sometimes how similar.
I love that I start having imagined conversations with these people… I wish I dared to say HI first sometimes.
Does changing the scenery work? I think it does.
Do I still feel like I have nothing to say? Yes.
And I’ve been reading so much, learning so much, listening to a lot of things… But it has been so fast, so saturated with things that I don’t think I’m retaining anything. My head feels numb.
Do I romanticize life? Yes, I do. It feels good to do so. I don’t know if it’s helpful in the long run though.
Do I live in an entirely different reality? Maybe.
I’m always rationalizing everything… Is it a way for me not to be seen as wrong? In the end, I’m proving both sides “right”… the good and the bad… always in the middle. The messy middle. Not compromising.
Can I come up with things that I don’t feel beige about?
What are they? I guess I’m leaving that as homework for another day, since I’m already leaving…
I want to share this about gate 24 (funny that I’ve been talking about rationalizing everything and someone made me look at what gate I have on my unconscious Jupiter…) you guessed it, it’s gate 24, in line 5.
This Gate is part of the Channel of Awareness, A Design of the Thinker, linking the Ajna Center (Gate 24) to the Head Center (Gate 61).
Gate 24’s function is to take the unique inspiration of Gate 61 and turn it into a rational concept which can eventually be communicated to others. It returns to the same territory over and over again, pondering a thought it considers inspiring, reviewing it until it can be brought into form. Our mind cannot act on the inspiration, however, or prove it logically or through past experience. This is a natural and spontaneous process of transformation, mental renewal and unique knowing. One moment the knowing is not there and the next moment it is. To use our individual mind to our greatest advantage, we need to give ourselves time to return and review. This process can include watching or listening to something over and over again. If we let our mind transform organically, without attempting to control it, the resolution will often appear on its own. We will hear it in a moment of silence, like those aha’s that pop into our mind in the middle of the night.
Gate 24 is the fear of ignorance, which is the mental anxiety that we will never know for certain, or that we won’t be able to explain our knowing. If we try and make decisions with our mind, we will trigger this anxiety. Without Gate 61 we are under pressure to make not-self mental decisions to look for the next inspiring mystery to solve.
This is why I love human design and gene keys so much! Sometimes I hate that I mulled things over and over and OVER again… like, to what end? But knowing this, it’s a relief. I just can’t help it. It’s not bad either… Sometimes it is, when I resist it, or when I’m vibing in the fear energy (that I do so much), I don’t have the 61… I have a busy head, with the 64 and 63.
I think I’m not supposed to share my mind. This whole mess… I have both head and anja defined… AND the throat, but I don’t have the throat connected to the anja… maybe my mind is here to wonder a lot, to be a bridge and connect the dots WITH others, and not me by myself, trying to figure all the things out.
This is a good reflection, a good reminder… I don’t need to have all the answers… I’m better at sharing from my emotions, sharing from my identity… I keep trying to do the things how I THINK THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DONE. UGH.
This life’s work is tiring sometimes. I still love it.
And the moments when I remember, wow. those are priceless… I feel so much compassion for the self that always forget, but what can I do? But try to remember again? and again?
I guess it’s a good thing that I like to mulled things over after all.
